I will come back..
Introduction
Unlike my previous accounts, this is not
a narration of scenic beauties of Himalaya despite there was plethora of
exquisiteness in Gangotri National Park, Nandanban meadows and shear elegance of
giant mountains. You may hardly find any mention of glacier walks, fixed ropes,
summit and happy endings, although few of us had wonderful feelings in
experiencing them all. There is no talk about the floral outburst on
well-marked trails that snake along the Bhagirathi River. The experiences and
feelings I had in me during those days, were perhaps entirely different from
that of others despite we shared the same physical reality. This is rather than
a thrilling, adrenaline gushing adventure story; a brief recollection of the things
that happened up there and what I felt about how some of those could have been done
differently to make the expedition an even better journey. My faults, however
minor they seemed then, have defeated my purpose of coming here. There were a
few other factors which conspired against my goal and at times (momentarily
though) even forced me to question whether the path I have chosen was right or
not. Or as a matter of fact, they made me think if it was really my cup of tea.
Or was it out of sheer madness that I was pushing myself toward extremities
which were beyond my reach? Eventually I returned home sick, shrunk and disappointed
but luckily during the return journey, my unrelenting think tank finally calmed
with a conclusion that the path chosen wasn’t really a wrong turn. It was just
a little bit of an off roading… Highway was sure to dawn. I had never experienced
such physical and emotional imbalance in the mountains before. So this narration
is different. Even I`m new to writing something like this.
29
Sept 2015, Flight: Pune-Delhi, 9:00PM
Almost a
year down now.. Last time I had been to the Himalayas was in the last week of
Sept 2014 for an outdoor first aid course which was then followed by the
deathly days of October. Dengue fever, subsequently resulted into pulmonary
oedema. It was a close shave. By God’s grace, blessings of well-wishers, blitzkrieg
medical treatments and a mountainous family support, I was normal within three
months.
Today I fly
again back to Himalayas with far more efficient training, matured outlook, more
knowledge and even more spirit of climbing.
Training
Suffer and
grow tougher
Fuck
excuses and Fight fear
Train hard
and climb higher
For the entire season, this had become my
mantra. I had reached close to the point of no return. Which meant I had to
begin brick by brick from level zero. So I started training methodically with
my friends and increased volume progressively in terms of time, speed and
intensity. I became extremely conscious and started paying attention to every
miniature changes in and around me. I tried (could not continue too long)
maintaining the daily logs of every workout performed, pre & post workout
heart rates, weekly weight, sleep, food intake and overall daily remarks. I studied
science about the training regime, body postures and consistently tried to
change the old mediocre methods. I experimented. With my training, diet,
routine and even clothing. I suffered. I`d train twice in a day; sprint up the
stairs until it`d leave me gasping. Every alternate week my friends would find
me with a tilted sprained neck. I’d bathe with cold water. After the rainy
treks, I would let my cloths dry by body heat so as to get used to cold. It
really wasn’t what I was used to. But I endured. And I wanted it more. In fact
it was only the training which could give me respite from my broken
relationship stresses and I would experience a soothing meditative times. Science became my soulmate. Every injury I
faced, every doubt that stuck my mind, I sought for scientific help. Experiments,
many a times failed but they kept me at bay from the boredom of same old routine
and stirred the learner within me thriving.
The
beginning
I was to go for an IMF expedition
(Bhagirathi III (6454 m)) to be led by Debabrata Mukherjee, whom I knew from
Climbathon. He was on his 46th expedition. At IMF Delhi, I observed
him as a workaholic and equally funny person who, disregarding his climbing eminence,
would work with rookie climbers like us in almost every matters such as packing
equipment, inspecting tents, buying basic rations etc. It was pretty exciting
stay at IMF where I met Meenaz, Lalit, Gunbala, Priyanka and Manita; our IMF
gang.
A joint expedition of IMF and Pathajatra
mountaineering club kicked off on 3rd Sept 2015 from Uttarkashi. Club
members were relatively older than our IMF gang but were very friendly and
talkative.
We had spent a couple of days arranging
the gears and ration in Uttarkashi. Now our next destination was Gangotri. During
the travel to Gangotri, every village I came across showed prominent signs of
damaged houses, destructed river banks and landslides. At a village called
Dharali, after speaking to a few village men I felt as if now Uttarakhand is
more about the destruction stories than the holy ones.
Trailhead was Gangotri. A pleasant and a charming
place. We prayed to Ganga mata for safe and successful return and next day
marched to Bhojbasa. 14 km of benign walk along the Bhagirathi River was more
like walk in a park (Indeed it was a national park).
1. Gangotri
Temple. The river roars vociferously along the left side of the temple
enhancing the chanting temper of the worshipers. 2. IMF Gang strolling in
Gangotri town. It was probably 50th Selfie of the evening!
Bhojbasa
Camp (3800 m)
The campsite was located along the banks
of Bhagirathi River. After devouring a simple pahadi style dinner of roti, dal and
rice, we called it a day. Inside the camp however, I was having trouble. Smoking.
Whole night I could not sleep. A non-smoker with a history of recent lung
disorder was bound to suffer when few of the members were smoking in that
closed room. I was in fact suffocated. I came out couple of times just to
breath fresh air. I was a bit hesitant to tell others about it and unaware that
my shyness could possibly jeopardize my next couple of weeks. I could not sleep
in that room at all and the next day turned into a total mess. I forgot to fill
up my hydration pack. Barely half a litre water for a six hour trek through
moraine. Subitda had offered me some water along the trails but I couldn’t
simply gulp down half a litre of his water. Everybody needed it as it was
scarce at that time. After a couple of hours trek, dehydration started showing
its ugly face. Headaches shrieked like jackhammers. I had left Mintuda far
behind who would always remind me to walk slowly. I thought, maybe I was
walking fast and gaining altitudes faster as well. Soon I was so innervated that
I took short naps a couple of times. This situation was first-time and surely
wasn’t good. At Raktaban glacier I got some water to refill. But the headache
was unstoppable. Finally I consumed a whole sachet of Electral solution and
slept for a while at Nandanban camp. I`m not entirely sure what troubled me so
much to this extent. I had been in even remote and strenuous situations before
and had dealt with them pretty well. Maybe the sleepless night, maybe
dehydration, maybe speedy trek or maybe all.. I don’t know.
Meenaz next day reminded me for extra
water and later I even requested Mintuda for not allowing smoking inside the
tents to which he readily agreed. (Mintuda was deputy leader and I was very
comfortable in raising the issue to him) But in my views, a mountaineer can’t
be a nature ignorant and more importantly can’t afford to be a health ignorant
either. Habits like smoking, you may have back in your homes but when you are
stepping in a pristine place like this, shouldn’t they be kept aside for a few
days? Or at least done in private places? And secondly about the self-preparedness,
I felt bad when I realized that I wasn’t carrying enough water. What would have
I done, had it been really a dangerous terrain or had I been walking alone or
the worst case when someone walking with me gets in an emergency situation and
I`m the only person to aid?
Next day’s trek to upper Nandanban was
fairly easy. I was okay but Lalit started having headache. A warhorse was down today.*
Sitting by his side, sipping a tea at another Bengali group’s base camp, we
stared at Vasuki Parbat, right in front of us. It was really daunting. It`d
seem like some monster hiding behind the ridge and continually eyeing at us.
Lalit and I at Bhojbasa camp. (The duo later became
famous as potty buddies)
I admired Gunbala and Manita for their amazing
mountain fitness. They were always among the first to reach every camp. And no
signs of tiredness. They always welcomed me with smiles and hot tea. Gun had a
little explosive hot tempered attitude to every stupid thing that would happen
around. But I always felt her anger very amusing. Meenaz, at the age of 44
would walk steadily and was always cheerful and caring and in search of taking incredibly
crazy pictures.
(* He would walk really fast and may be his eating was
not up to the mark. His eating dramatically improved when at basecamp he found
his army friends. Since then he would daily dine delicious menu in the army
tents and make us feel jealous; especially Meenaz.)
Entire team at Base Camp.
Base camp was set up in the boulders
surrounded by Vasuki, Bhagirathi II and a small ridge behind which laid Chaturangi
glacier. A gentle stream flowing along was our lifeline for next couple of
weeks. To our surprise, immediately after reaching the base camp, next day was scheduled
for a load ferry to camp I. Honestly I didn’t like the idea of moving so fast.
We had already trekked for three consecutive days and reached the base camp at
4800 m. Since many of us were sick, one or two days stay at base camp would
have recharged us for subsequent climbs. We needed to acclimate.
As the expedition advanced, I felt some
communication gap between the leader and the teammates. In my opinion, before
the start of the expedition, every tiniest factor should be discussed among entire
team. Each person should know his/her responsibilities from day one to last
day.* Daily debrief sessions to review treks, individual health, food, weather
forecast, potential hazards of the terrain, next day plans.. They are vital and
extremely helpful for assessing the given situation and managing the future
plans accordingly.
A day before leaving for camp I, we had a
medical check-up and in that doctor found my resting heart rate as high as 120!
I was shocked. I asked doctor if I could check it myself. No change. I sensed
something was not right. My heart was beating, in fact hammering too rapidly in
order to fulfil my body’s Oxygen demands.
(*Our equipment management was fairly good. Together we
sat and discussed the entire climbing gear with Debuda and at the end of the
expedition the count matched perfectly except for a few hardware that the
summit team had to leave on the mountain from safety point of view. But same
should have been implemented for food, mountain days and particularly daily
debriefing. These factors were equally important and should have been discussed
and planned with everybody.)
I immediately asked for Pulse oximeter.
Unfortunately it didn’t work. “Did you make a mistake by coming to mountains
too early?” a thought struck my mind. But I ignored it. I had definitely not
reached that critical point. However, I made up my mind for any worst
turnaround orders.
As a sportsman and that too an extreme outdoor
sportsman, one should always keep a watch on his/her cardiac functioning. Now a
days Pulse Oximeter, Heart rate monitor are pretty portable and works well at
even high altitudes. Together they give a fairly accurate idea of one’s
respiratory functioning. Be it a CV training, Himalayan expedition or a leisure
travel in Ladakh; these devices may prove handy.
Camp
I (5300 m)
No signs of snow or ice even at camp one.
In the month of June, Gunbala had come for all women’s expedition to Bhagirathi
III. Gun recalled that just a couple of months ago even the basecamp was in
snow.
The distance in mountains is always
illusive. From the basecamp I could see only two humps to camp I. But in
reality we crossed 4-5 humps one after the other. It wasn’t tiring nor was the
weather bad but the deceptive nature of the terrain was terribly annoying. Camp
I was situated under the shadows of Vasuki and Bhagirathi II. So the sunlight
became scarcity. Barely six hours. Shadows were frighteningly cold but then what
do you expect up there otherwise? Sauna bath?
Finally after camp I load ferry, we
rested at basecamp for a day.
In the middle of that night Lalit
persuaded me to accompany him for toilet. I was irritated that why someone
needs a company for toilet. I denied. He requested me again and again but I
ignored. Finally
Ranaji woke up having annoyed by our
verbal fights and offered Lalit a company. I thought I did right. What was
there to be so scared? But a few days
later, came my turn and I went all alone. For a few moments it was okay, but as
time passed, the silence became awfully terrifying. On top of that I had not
informed anybody before leaving the tent. Further, next day I was told by the
army team about findings of snow leopard pugmarks. I felt really bad; not so
much for my stupidity in solo adventure but for not accompanying Lalit. No
matter what the business is, buddy system is an integral part of wilderness lifestyle.
(Re)
turning point
3 members from the club backed off from
the expedition due to probably health issues or official work. Camp one felt
like a real expedition. Unlike the basecamp where 9-10 men would sleep together
in a big tent, we had a smaller team, smaller tents, and lesser loads. I loved
it. Ever since the NOLS, I`m obsessed with the idea of smaller teams travelling
with self-sufficiency. That’s the way I wish to climb in future. Porters,
cooks, medical support till the basecamp are essential only if you are
preparing for a big mountain expedition. But above basecamp the team should be self-sufficient.
We moved to camp II for a load ferry. My
initial enthusiasm of approaching snowline, gradually reduced as I saw others
walking past me. I walked slow.. perhaps really slow. To my chagrin, I had to cache
the load a few meters below the camp II and return. I was unhappy. Rajesh, one
of our HAPs, explicitly highlighted my slowness and assumed that I am hit by
mountain sickness. Soon came the orders. Only Gun, Manita, Lalit and Shubit
would continue to summit camp while others would descend.
Without saying much to anybody I went
inside my tent and laid on my sleeping bag. For next two hours, I probably
slept like a dead corpse. I wasn’t tired, nor was it dark. I missed my lunch
too. When I woke up, I heard Meenaz trying to calm Priyanka who had rebelled
for being denied a summit berth. By the time when I reached the basecamp, she
had already left for Gangotri.
I came down thinking that maybe it was an
opportunity to regain health at lower altitude and if the stars were to be with
me, maybe Debuda would even consider a team B for summit. But Meenaz very
gently shattered my extreme optimism and overambitious imaginations and brought
me back to the reality of gloomy basecamp routine which I had to live for next
4-5 days.
I wanted to go back as soon as I could. I
was extremely disappointed. I had trained diligently; taken enough care of my
personal health. Still I failed. I wanted to figure out everything that went
wrong. At the base camp, my overall behaviour was pretty strange although not
antisocial. I`d talk less, eat less and spend most of my time in my sleeping
bag. Partho would keep saying, “Vivek..
mere bhai, uth ja..dekh subah ho gaya..” (Wake up Vivek, its sun up now) Not
that I`d sleep always but keep thinking about what went wrong; how I should reorganize
myself from now on and move forward. My nascent photography hobby was
unenthused as well. Even though others were enjoying the relax lifestyle of basecamp,
I couldn’t. Mintuda asked me if I was uncomfortable in their company but it
wasn’t like that at all. He and Partho were really nice persons and I never had
any issues with any of them. But ever since I left my job, I have become
restless. I don’t like sitting idle. And here 4-5 days of idleness had become a
nightmare for me. But in all this, I ensured that I do not cause trouble to
anybody nor do I complain about my unhappiness. I had heavyheartedly accepted
the leader’s call and tried cooperating everyone as much as I could.
Back in IIT days I learnt an important
quality of team spirit. Both as a captain and as a general team member of
IITB’s Cricket team, I had understood that the leader’s call in tough times is
ultimate. It doesn’t matter if it is right or wrong. Its leader’s call and the
team should obey it. Analysis, feedbacks are for the later stages. Denial to leader’s decision only brings
disharmony and the team gets fragmented. And as for the leader, he/she too,
when takes a call whose consequences could be profoundly significant, it must be
taken in a righteous spirit and conveyed gently to the concerned people. It
should be for the sake of team as a whole, not for any individual gains. And if
it’s a matter of member exclusion, it certainly needs a personal touch. Some
may argue that stepping down and explaining the whys might be a sign of a weak
leader. I disagree. It in fact shows that how caring your leader is and how
much efforts even in the tough times he/she takes for the teammates.
On 15th Sept 2015, at 11:30
AM, good news rang on our Walkie talkie. Gun, Manita, Shubit and Debuda had
summited the mountain. The base camp was in a jubilant mood. Partho, was
literally dancing on a giant boulder. We were eagerly waiting to hear from them
for past two days. Finally the mountain celebrities returned to base camp next
day. Doctor Madam collected beautiful flowers from around the basecamp and
presented them to all our heros. Shubit and Manita looked tired but Debuda,
smiling and satisfied to have led and summited a virgin route. But Gun left me
wondering if ever she feels exhausted or not. As usual she was. Cheerful and untiring.
Suddenly that night
everything changed. I felt the camp lively. I ate ravenously and our IMF gang (Lalit,
Meenaz, Manita, Gun and I) sat inside the smaller tent and gossiped a lot. Maybe
the return of summiters made me feel like I was a part of them or maybe the
idea of wrapping up next day was very exciting.
Mt. Shivling (6543 m). Photo taken from
Upper Nandanban trails.
During the return trek, I walked quite
faster.. Even in the moraines. With Mintuda, I took a lot of photographs of
Vasuki, Shivling, Meru, Bhagirathi II and III; none of whom during our base
camp stay could impress me. But that day everything was fascinating. I was
particularly enthralled by Shivling. Rocky, almost vertical faces and a snow
capped summit lingered in my mind until she finally disappeared as I walked
past Gaumukh. Next day I moved even faster from Chidbasa onward to Gangotri
disregarding the pains in tiring muscles. The same trail looked more beautiful
that day. Unlike earlier trek, weather was clear and pleasant. Bhagirathi II
& III were clearly visible every time I turned around just to take better
pictures of two sisters. May be it was all intended so as to restore my faith
in my chosen path.
I flew back to Pune on 22nd
Sept 2015.
This expedition was a deep revelation. Debuda
appreciated me for my cooperative and earnest attitude. He urged me to discuss
clinical histories with leaders and doctors before every expedition, (I did not
think it was important as I had presumed that I was totally fine.) advised on
future training and asked to take good care of my health. I wished we could
have had more interaction not just at the end of the expedition but throughout.
It feels nice when a leader asks team members for their howabouts and offers personal
help or guidance if needed.
Failures are part of life and they should
not only be accepted but introspected and resolved. I now know that I`m not as
strong as I thought I had become nor as much as I was during the last year. I
consulted a physician and realized that it was too early to go to high altitude
after the illness. I now know the effects of high altitude on me post illness. I
learnt about how much more training I have to incorporate. I recognized the
difference between fitness in Sahyadris and in Himalayas. They are overwhelmingly
different. Some of other experiments taught me about better clothing system
that works well on me, nutrition planning and portable medical assistance at
high altitude etc. So in a nutshell, I see that going there wasn’t really a
mistake but an opportunity to know where I stand now and I`m happy to have it
realized in time.
But most importantly I realized that sometimes,
some goals are too hard to achieve; they test you to the extremes in wildest
possible ways. They make you suffer badly. Physically as well as emotionally.
In those situations you need strength to overcome the sufferings. At times, the strength to gladly sacrifice those goals, accept defeat and turn back. Why?? So
that you can comeback; grow stronger, equip better, endure what you couldn’t
earlier and finally finish the unfinished matters!
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