The Barrier

Here’s my view on our recent hike; unsuccessful though an eye opener - Katraj- Sinhagad-Rajgad- Torna.

When we returned from this half left target, as soon as I reached Pune station, I packed this KSRT idea and threw it out of my mind. Promised myself  not to do this shit again. I was determined to focus again on my scheduled training and not get digressed with such outrageous ideas which meant just to sap away my energy and leave me fatigued, until on 31^st morning when I read Rupesh message : ‘We need to get over  this challenge before the expedition’.

Indeed, it was an idea meant for utter mindfuck and endless torture to the legs. But it was still a challenge we had left unfinished. It was still a challenge that truly challenged us not just physically but mentally as well. It was still a challenge, which one or two of us could have nailed it with some intermittent resting breaks but as team of eight, wasn’t accomplished. And nonetheless, sure it was a challenge we might encounter in the real games above 20000 ft. It seemed to me a barrier we must break out.

First time I heard about this, I found it totally intriguing. 55-56 kms of continuous hike. I was extremely excited and equally curious about how it would treat me, and the team. However, I and for that matter, some of the team members were not physically fit to take it up. And perhaps none shall ever be in a short time of a month. We began our hike from Katraj at 5:30 PM. We were a team of 8: Rupesh, Anand, Bhushan, Krishna, Sumit, Kiran, Ashish, and I. Anand, Sumit were probably hiking on this Katraj- Sinhagad trail for 100^th time and even Bhushan Rupesh, Ashish, Krishna had blazed it for umpteenth times. Mine was probably 4^th-5^th time.

We began very well in a quite enthusiastic way. Slightly at a faster speed than we should have. The weather was benign, and the trail was well-known to all. So despite we tried to slow down a bit, we didn’t realize when we caught on to speed again.  This was perhaps first of our errors that set the predecided target completely out of our reach. We reached Sinhagad snaking the 11 km trails and followed by an uninteresting road walk of 4 kms. After the dinner at fort Sinhagad and a just enough resting period of an hour, we continued our march. It was at Sinhagad during the dinner times, when the unenthusiastic feelings for the further push, had started to raise their heads up. It ratcheted up the notch when some of us insisted to sleep till 4:00 AM and after the rest, move further. 

My point was, anyone could have done this goal with series of long rests in between. We were to aim for this mammoth endurance test in a single push with quick resting bites just to refuel. If we were to sleep at Sinhagad for 5 hrs, then the idea would have failed to serve its purpose there itself.

But thankfully everyone decided to move ahead and thus at 11:00 PM we left Tilak Bungalow.

The trail was almost flat or downhill. Mostly through the dry grass. Thanks to my fleece track pant, that it attracted almost every single thorn in it that inflicted unending piercing on my legs. At times in awkward places too. Till Sinhagad, we had hiked for 14 kms. My initial outburst of excitement had started to diminish slowly as we walked on this flat trail towards Vinzar.

I was quiet for most of the time. Initially because I was enjoying the interesting base camp stories from others and later because I started to notice that, I was feeling sleepy. Not out of tiredness but may be due to not having adequate rest before the hike. Secondly, I started to find this feat, absolutely mundane and meant to just drag because my body was not complaining. Then I tried to calm myself by telling to take it as a challenge to endure the mental torture. I had a word with Bhushan too. He too agreed to me. He also had a feeling that it was turning out to be an injury prone and a time-wasting deed.

A faithful dog from Sinhagad followed us throughout the trail. We tried forcing him to unfollow us but he followed as if we needed some kind of protection down at Vinzar and he was to be our only saviour. I, to be honest, was least bothered. 

At Vinzar, after an inexorable march of 20 more kms, we took a halt at a roadhead. The temperature was lowest ever. And so was our willingness to continue. The legs were as if broken into pieces and the skin had just managed to hold them together.  It was here, the thoughts of climbing Rajgad thinned completely, let alone the treacherous 18 kms long Rajgad-Torna ridge. Half the team decided to quit at Gunjavane which was still 10 kms away. Anand, Bhushan were practical in their thoughts to stop and head home irrespective of whether the rest of the team continues or not. Kiran & Ashish chipped in with them. Sumit & Krishna were in dual mood. Injury or Target. It was unrealistic of me to hope that it would not harm me much. Just some unavoidable grueling leg pains, and a loss of another cosy Sunday. I guess I was ready to afford this at that moment. This was where the experience mattered in anticipating the possibility of irreversible damage.

It was when Sumit raised concerns of potential injury, my mind too started to drift towards quitting it at Gunjavane. Amongst of all of us, only Rupesh seemed determined to do it. The barrier seemed too tall for most of us to cross that night .

We started walking further on the road. The only way to keep our bodies warm was to just walk. We probably walk for another 40-45 min to reach Margasani. Unenthused, annoyed and cold. And we realised that Gunjavane was still 6 kms to go. The signboard zeroed our ever depleting enthusiasm and the thoughts of potential injuries, began to supersede whatever little mental strength that had kept us going so far.

We finally stopped at Margasani. And the will to walk further was out-motivated by the necessity to lit fire to warm our bodies. At 3:30 AM, in a bone chilling cold, with shattered legs, famished stomachs, we watched our KSRT idea burn. 

    

Now as I read Rupesh’s message of reattempt, I recall discussion with Bhushan about why we were doing that.. What was the necessity to challenge ourselves when we are capable of doing it when the times would require it.

The answer I feel is simple. Yes we are capable of doing it when the times would require it. But are we capable of doing it when the times would require it and we aren’t prepared for it? Though we have already trained for mental and physical challenges, the KSRT scenario was a different game. Climbing Makalu again from the base camp or going for CB13 again from Manali did require certain extra ordinary mental toughness. But those were the challenges, we so badly were willing to take. There was a scope to give the best if it wasn’t in the previous attempts. Here, this was a challenge against our will, not offering anything in return but would just leave us inflicted with pains for next 2-3 days or possibly even worse. Let alone any prize or recognition. Or for that matter, there may not be any happy feelings of completion satisfaction. And that’s exactly a situation we might encounter someday in mountains. Against our will. Beyond our capacities. And yet it will exact us to commit to it. We may like it or not. But we will have to do it.

I’m signing up for this again. Without my & my close one’s will, without any exclusive preparations for this feat. I will face the same mindfuck, & same muscle fatigue. Same Barrier. But I will deal with it. I guess that burnt idea didn’t entirely vanish. It revitalized. And so did I.

2nd Jan 2019

I had a discussion with Bhushan again. About why we are doing it and why exactly we quit.

We definitely quit because we were totally shattered through physical exertion, cold conditions and inadequate fuel to keep us warm; and were challenged, in the end defeated especially in the mental game of pushing it forward.

Bhushan's perspective was that there is a price for doing something. And if thats affordable to you, you will do it. If not then you will just not. He is happy to hike till Margasani and be fresh at the end of the trek. Not willing to trouble himself any further and pay the price he clearly did not want. And this realization has occurred to him through years of experience and having hiked the same trail long back. My inexperience let me fantasize that it could be done. But sometimes it is wise to listen to the experienced ones, turn around, think it through again, and bounce back.

I'm glad I did listen then but as I write now again, I entirely know I'm still not capable of doing it in full stretch again; yet there is something in me, which is telling me to do it. Is it just for the sake of completion? Or to overcome the fact that I was defeated due to poor preparation and now I can better the situation? Or is there a feeling of sort, that if I complete the goal, it will translate into the summit success? May be yes.

But I think this exercise is also meant to be a training, to be prepared for facing something that would be beyond my imaginations, capacities, and willingness to perform. And yet I shall have to do that... And then I shall truly know what my (mental) boundaries precisely are. There is still a very long unknown trail yet to cross. The question is whether I can make it or not. Perhaps thats the prize i'm in pursuit of. Against whatever price it shall demand.



2 months after..

And finally we decided to do it again. I was excited. The unfinished matter, however stupid I found earlier, was to come to fruition. Thanks to Rupesh for taking up the initiative and leading the whole team in achieving our goal.

Jan 20th, at 12:30 midnight, Prabhakar & Amrut dropped us at the start point of the trek. Before the trek, we investigated the loopholes that caused us a defeat in previous times. Main factor was to not let our bodies cool down. At night taking long rests had slowed our progress. On top of that, it was the coldest night of the season and we were ill prepared to deal with it. Thirdly, and most importantly, the hydration system. Lack of enough electrolyte would have led to severe dehydration, eventually leading to injuries.

This time, Rupesh arranged 3 bottles of Gatorade for each one of us. We also began to hike at a moderate pace with just 5 min break after an hour long walk. This well preparedness boosted our confidence.

We reached Tilak Bungalow at Sinhagad in 4 hrs. Quickly finished the breakfast and immediately, at 5:30, began our march towards Vinzar. The route was well-known and the weather conditions were much better than the earlier attempt. The sunrise looked beautiful from the Vinzar top.

By the time we reached Vinzar, mama and Ankit had already arrived to welcome us. They had brought fresh supplies of Gatorade, fruits and breakfast meals. Having finished half the goal, we were happy but the formidable forts Rajgad, Torna and the treacherous ridge connecting the duo, brought us back to realities in time. Now the sun was up, legs tired, some mental fatigue too, began to creep in.

Our hike began through the farmlands of Vinzar. Sumit's vast experience of Sahyadri proved vital here as we had to make our way through unknown terrain to the base of Rajgad. Instead of going to Gunjavane via Sakhar village, we aimed directly towards the ridge of the fort and began hiking. First hurdle was to cross the stream. It looked massive for a stream but we explored possible easier crossing points, only to have no luck. Again here, Sumit's Sahyadri wisdom turned helpful. He found out a bridge connecting the two sides as he led us through numerous farm fields one after the other. Soon we crossed Vajeghar road and with the help of local villagers, we could easily reach the hotel Padmavati, enroute regular trail to Rajgad.

A glass of Limboo Sarbat was rewarding. The Vinzar top looked so distant and the route downhill to Vinzar was daunting. We kept wondering, Damn! where the hell we walked from!! With revitalised bodies, we continued the uphill hike. From the hotel, till we reached Padavati machi, all of us walked without stopping for a fraction of a second. With sun rising above our heads, it became tough going but everyone without any complains silently kept walking. No one spoke to each other until we reach Padmavati Machi. It was not decided not to talk or take any rest. Perhaps it was the mountain effect, the challenge of uphill march, that drove all to keep going. It was a remarkable effort indeed. When we reached Padmavati Machi, my right leg began to develop mild cramps. But Gatorade and some chikki proved vital. We rested for 10-15 min. and continued walking further. Sun was scorching above our heads as we trudged towards Sanjivani Machi. Trails from Sanjeevani Machi crossed at Bhutonde Ghat road. Our team reached there at around 1:30 PM. Ankit was waiting for us there with Parathas, Ladoos, and nevertheless lifeline Gatorade. We feasted on whatever we found in the car and packed some water for the last three hours of stretch. Varun was struggling due to shoe bites and he decided to quit there and went along with Ankit by Car. I had been wanting to quit ever since the Sanjeevani Machi's treacherous scree walk. All were exhausted but this is what we were there to test ourselves. The mental barrier. I felt sad for his exit. He had done well so far.

Ashish seemed unwearying. Sumit and Jitendra walked at a reasonable pace. Rupesh who initially seemed to be walking along Ashish's side, looked exhausted and had began to slow down. I was at last. Tired, rather enervated. However, the fact that I was carrying quite heavy loads and was able to walk at a moderate speed, kept me going. For the first time I saw the splendid Torna. Even Rajgad fortress, Bale Killa, long and narrow Suvela Machi, were mesmerizing.

At around 3:30, Budhla Machi of Torna was now clearly in my eye sight.  I spotted Rupesh climbing up. Jitendra, Sumit had already walked past him. With every step, I imagined as if I`m nearing the summit of Kangchenjunga. The mental simulation provided me vital respite and the awe-amazing views of enormous Torna kept me motivated.

I took a brief halt below the machi and exchanged a few words with a passer-by who was heading down to his base village after finishing his limboo sarbat business satisfactorily.  His tiny figured disappeared in minutes and I got up for the final dash up the machi.

Within a few more minutes, I met Rupesh. Mengai Devi temple was now just a half an hour away and the daylight was sure to be there for more than an hour or so. We had some juice at Konkan Darwaja and continued towards the temple.

At around 5:00, we finally reached the temple where all our team members were waiting to welcome us. The moment was as pleasing as the moment when you reach to the summit of a giant mountain peak. 17 hrs of non stop walk had finally got over. The idea which I had once considered to be illogical and nothing but just a torture, seemed to have skyrocketed my confidence for the actual goal. Never had I walked for 55 kms in one stretch with a substantial load on my back. As a matter of fact, I was not sure if I would be able to complete it or not. And needless to mention of how many times the thought of quitting struck my mind.

We all felt satisfied. Not for we simply finished, but we did it all together braving the all odds in demanding times. In the next couple of days, our team will set forth for the dream Giripremi has been chasing since past one and a half years. The never-say-quit attitude, KSRT taught us, shall remind us in the demanding times lay ahead of us.